“I’m straightforward, but my seniors can’t digest it. So, I’m overlooked for lucrative posts, promotions, and increments,” vented Bala, a participant in my Leadership Development Program. Another participant mischievously quipped, “Ghee seedhi ungli se na nikle, toh ungli tedi karni padti hai.” (If you can’t access butter with a straight finger, bend it.) In other words, one must be crooked to gain success.
Rao, another participant, retorted firmly, “I won’t become a scheming ‘yes man’.” For many like Rao, the issue is binary: be honest and suffer, or manipulate and grow. I offered an alternative metaphor, “Why not warm and melt the butter, then pour out what you need?” We laughed — but it made a point.
Is bluntness the only form of honesty?
Many people, like Rao, believe that honesty and sincerity must always be expressed directly. Two decades ago, as a party caterer and hospitality consultant, I made the same mistake. When clients dismissed my low rates by saying, “We have a cheaper alternative,” I’d respond, “Great, take it.” I thought I was being honest and confident.
Despite 12 years of hard work, my business struggled. I was disheartened. Was staying true to my values the wrong approach?
It’s not just what you say, but how you say it
Eventually, I realised that expertise alone isn’t enough. To succeed, you must master strategic communication. Warren Buffett once said, “If you can’t communicate and talk to other people and get across your idea, you’re giving up your potential.”
Think about it — whether it’s a raise, a promotion, buy-in for an idea, or investment in a start-up, communication is the only way we get what we want. But then the question arises: why not just be straightforward? Why not say things as they are?
The carrom board lesson
While playing carrom one evening, the answer hit me — literally. You don’t strike every coin directly. Sometimes you aim at another coin, sometimes you rebound. Strategy matters. Directness alone can be counterproductive.
Likewise, communication is not just about clarity — it’s about timing, tone, empathy, and method. When done well, it increases your power to influence. I call this The Secret Sauce: Strategic Communication. Here are three ways to get better at it:
Tip 1: Master dramatic and sensory communication
Consider your workplace a stage. The meeting room is the set, your outfit is your costume, and your lines are your script. Everyone around you — co-actors or audience.
Use sensory elements to your advantage. A firm handshake, confident posture, a warm smile, the aroma of fresh coffee, or the choice of colour in your attire — all these impact how your message is received. Think through the entire performance, not just the words.
Tip 2: Use emotional intelligence to your advantage
Emotional intelligence means being in control of your emotions — and being aware of others’. Earlier in my career, I thought business communication should be devoid of emotion. I’d focus only on logic and practicality.
But I was wrong. People are driven by stories, not just stats. “Facts tell, but stories sell.” I began to share personal experiences, empathise with others’ challenges, and appeal to their emotions. It changed the way I influenced outcomes.
Tip 3: Gain perspective before making your point
Too often, we listen only to respond. But strategic communication demands deeper listening — to understand what the other person really wants. Some seek money, others value recognition. Some want credit, others validation.
Once you understand their need, you can create a win-win situation — where you achieve your goal and help them fulfil theirs. That’s when magic happens.
Conclusion: Communicate to connect, not manipulate
Strategic communication doesn’t mean lying or being fake. Lies eventually unravel, and broken trust is hard to rebuild. Instead, communicate with intention. Like in carrom, the best players don’t just pocket one coin — they set up the next move. Great communicators do the same. They build trust, so people want to support them.
In the end, it’s not about being a “yes man” or a blunt rebel. It’s about aligning your values with your words, and delivering your message with empathy, clarity, and strategy.
About the Author:
Dominic CostaBir, Director of Hospitality Training Institute (HTI) and Woosh Biz, is a first-generation entrepreneur. With over 30 years of experience in hospitality, he now leads ‘Third Eye,’ offering insight and perspectives beyond plain sight.
